Hey, Paterson, leave that fox alone!

A poll released to coincide with Boxing Day hunting meetings suggests the British public would much rather hunt “Toffs on horses” than cute fluffy foxes, after the Environment Secretary Owen Paterson: a keen horse rider, huntsman and widely accused climate change sceptic, reluctantly agreed to postpone a vote on lifting the ban until he was sure they would win. 

"Please sir, don't send a pack of angry dogs after me"

This comes following the leak of footage appearing to show the development of a smear campaign against the RSPCA’s foxy friends, suggesting ‘rogue foxes’ are getting it too easy now they aren’t having their legs chewed off by pursuing dogs, and are gorging unsuspecting children’s faces off in local parks whilst shouting "Ha Ha! Boom! Boom!"

Campaigners say Paterson’s popularity is now in a state of perpetual decline with people who actually care about the environment, following the string of blunders since his appointment, including brandishing gardening and outdoor presenting legend, Alan Titchmarsh, a “complete muppet” earlier this month after he criticised the government's countryside policies. 

The opinion poll suggested that before the “greenest” blue government could reinstate a shade of red, the government should nominate some ministerial cannon fodder to be chased by hunting dogs in a new reality TV programme, aimed at publicly addressing any issues of cruelty in the hunt.