Excursion to Lake Doom cancelled, Lake Monster “disappointed”

The daring attempt by British scientists to bore through nearly two miles of Antarctic ice to lake Ellsworth was called off on Christmas day after it emerged Jenkins had spent all the fuel money on tea. The mission began to unravel last week when the main boiler broke down, leaving the team with nothing to do but play monopoly and wait for British Gas to come out with the part.

With the boiler fixed, the team had aimed to dig down to Lake Ellsworth using giant hot water pistols in the hopes of being the first team to be eaten by a rare Antarctic Lake Monster. Unfortunately, however, the initial bore holes needed to enable the recirculation of the water didn’t join up and after 20 hours of trying to join them, monopoly rage struck late on Christmas eve. It was at this point that the team, in examining their fuel supplies found they did not have enough to continue as Jenkins had used all the fuel money to buy Earl Grey. So in the early hours of Christmas day, the team had to reluctantly call an end to the digging. In a press release, Professor Martin Siegert, Principal Investigator of the Sub-glacial Lake Ellsworth experiment, stated:“Although circumstances have not worked out as we would have wished, I am confident that through the huge efforts of the field team, and our colleagues in the UK, we have done as much as we possibly could have done and I sincerely thank them all [except Jenkins, he’s an idiot]".

The Russians and Americans amongst other teams also have plans for drilling into sub-glacial lakes, so only time will tell if the British dreams of being the first to have a team eaten by Antarctic Lake Monsters has been dashed.