Our groceries are the same size, ‘people are just getting bigger’ maintains major food brand.

Research indicates that despite rising checkout bills, your weekly shop is reducing in volume as brands subtly reduce the size of their products to avoid having to implement a price increase.

Major food brands are refuting this statement, maintaining that to an increasingly obese population, the food packaging simply “looks smaller”, but it is actually just a figment of the mind. The spokespersons added: “People pay good money to be told to eat less and diet, or to ‘count their calories’ and eat smaller portions, so even if we were reducing the packet sizes... which we’re not, its saving you from a miserable early grave. We’re actually providing a public service.”

"You've been extra for minature carrots for years...suckers." Says

 stereotypical, overweight, pipe smoking capitalist man.

Dr Yamakoto from the Institute of Consumer Studies disagrees and said that if current rates continue, by 2050 you will be paying £1.99 for an empty packet about the size of your little finger, once containing biscuits. “While some people will be convinced by the packaging that there are actually biscuits inside, most will opt for the previously industrial-size packet and get on with their lives like good capitalist consumers.”

A ready meal manufacturer added:  “Now all the horsemeat has been taken out, of course our packets are going to get smaller. We tried increasing the quantity of the unwanted animal bits but without the horse it just doesn’t taste the same. Consumers can’t expect to pay 99p for a meal and expect it to contain prime cuts of beef, but when bulked out with some tasty horse everything was fine.”