Creationists the world over
gave a sigh of dismay as scientists revealed a dreamt-up image of how the first
‘placental’ mammal may have looked. ‘Placental’ mammals are those mammals that
give birth to live young, such as humans, rats, dogs and, whisper it: monkeys.
This common ancestor has been ‘discovered’ (or doodled if you’re of the
creationist viewpoint) after examining the traits and genetic information of 86
species of ‘placental’ mammals and is a step forward in the study of evolution.
Our creationist source stated:
“Just you wait here a moment
while I go get me my witch burning hat […] Jebadiah! Where you done gone put my
witch burning hat?”
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Mother
“weasel-rat” more likely to be kept in a hamster cage than have her picture
above the mantel-piece.
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This ‘mother of mammals’
looks like a shrew with a long hairy tail or a cross between and rat and weasel
leading to the name “weasel-rat” in some circles. The “weasel-rat” (ratus-weaselus)
weighed no more than a few hundred grams and ate a nutritiously tasty diet of
prehistoric insects.
After the dinosaurs negated
the risk of having live young become a tasty snack by helpfully becoming
extinct, the “weasel-rat” flourished. Through a long and drawn out process of
evolution, these cuddly little mammals, led to homo-sapiens and over 5000 of
our placental mammal cousins, including your uncle monkey. Unfortunately the
“weasel-rat” does not link you to kangaroos or the amazing duck-billed platypus
as they are not placental mammals and so could still be the product of design
by a probably drunk, Australian, god.
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