He's in your papers stealing all your news...

HEY! GUYS! HEY! I'M OVER HERE!

NOW I'M WEARING A HAT!

Kim Jong-un made another attempt to get the world’s attention by waving his arms in the air and shouting "Hey! Guys! Look at me! Look! Look at what I’m doing!" Whilst positioning "missiles" on the border with South Korea. Fortunately the missiles, believed to be untested 'Musudans' thought to be able to reach the U.S territory of Guam, are more likely to be rolled up old carpets with a cardboard cone on top after sources saw Mr Jong-Un with a receipt from 'Carpet right' and a dozen rolls of duct-tape.

Kim Jong-un's attempts to dominate the news stem from his stated intention to get into next year's celebrity Big Brother. A top North Korean general stated that if this move doesn’t get him a call from the producers there will be nothing left for Kim Jong-un to do but strip naked and march along the entire North-South Korean border pausing only to press his bottom through the fence.

A spokesperson for Big Brother's producers said "We have attempted many times to contact Mr Jong-un for the program, however apparently he hasn’t been paying his bills and the phone lines have been cut off".


NOW I'M PLANNING TO INVADE YOU! paaaay attention... guuyyss...